Welcome to our blog series, “The Family Plan: Together Through Transition.”
Throughout this series, we’ll share tools and strategies designed to bring peace, clarity and a sense of purpose during one of life’s most tender and significant seasons. Joining us on this journey is Senior Wealth Advisor and former pastor, Phily Nybroten, who brings both practical insight and compassionate guidance as we explore how to thoughtfully prepare for what lies ahead.
The Gift of Planning by Sharie Sinson, Director of Marketing
Ten years ago, while on an extended-family vacation celebrating my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary, they requested a private meeting with my sister and I before the day’s festivities began. In a quiet hotel room at a beautiful upstate New York resort, the four of us gathered expecting a reflective moment of gratitude and nostalgia about their marriage, our family, and the continuation of their legacy through the grandchildren.
To our surprise, my parents embarked on a detailed discussion about their estate plan, final wishes, and key people to contact from their lawyer to the funeral home when the time came. My dad, always the engineer, had prepared a typed manual outlining every detail, down to which investment account to use to pay for the funeral arrangements and any outstanding bills. After the initial shock, a few awkward laughs and nervous comments, my sister and I listened intently assuring our parents we would keep this information safe and honor their wishes.
Years later, my husband and I found ourselves navigating a similar conversation as we helped his mother manage my father-in-law’s declining health. We found ourselves assisting with the hiring of care givers, moving him to an assisted living facility, and managing his end-of-life care. My husband carried out the Power of Attorney duties while leaning on me to help sort through the financial side. The deeper I dug, the more gaps I discovered. Stress and anxiety grew as we searched to locate missing documentsand connected with lawyers to ensure assets were properly titled before he passed. Thankfully, we managed to avoid probate, but headaches continued for months as we settled the estate.
What I found most unsettling about the situation was the lack of direction for his end-of-life celebration. Without clear instructions, we made the best decisions we could to honor him with a thoughtful intimate ceremony we hoped reflected what he would have wanted.
My father-in-law was a highly educated, self-made man with access to excellent professional advice. After his passing, we discovered he had been advised for years to update and address aspects of his estate plan, but he was too busy or reluctant to do so. We also learned my mother-in-law had no estate plan for her inherited family assets, nor POA documents. At 90 years old, I urged her to meet with an estate planning attorney and financial planner to clarify her intentions, minimize tax exposure, discuss charitable giving, and ensure her wishes were known. What finally persuaded her to move forward was seeing firsthand the stress and challenges her husband’s incomplete planning had caused.
Perplexed and frustrated, I found myself asking why so many people avoid conversations on estate planning and their wishes. Are they afraid of dying? Worried about family dynamics? Unsure of how to begin? It became clear we needed to empower my mother-in-law to participate in the decision-making process and to voice her wishes.
I don’t have all the answers, but I am grateful my role at Vantage connected me with experienced professionals who guided me through the complexities of the process. I have often thought about my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary discussion with my sister and I a decade ago. That memorable day reinforced the peace of mind that comes when you and your loved ones communicate their wishes and establish a comprehensive estate plan. With this information in place and communicated to the appropriate people, you receive the incredible gift of enjoying family time without the cloud of uncertainty.
Over the past few years, we have made great progress with my mother-in-law’s estate plan. Slowly, we have addressed each piece of her financial puzzle and personal wishes with the guidance of professionals and positively framed family discussions. These conversations have ranged from charitable giving to specific gifts to loved ones, to how she would like to be honored when the time comes. These conversations aren’t always easy but are far better to have now than wait until the opportunity has passed.
Our next step is to help share some of the jewelry she has acquired over time to family members this Christmas, telling the stories behind each piece from her travels. Those stories will be the greatest gift, making each item even more meaningful.
If you’ve been meaning to have these conversations within in your family, there’s no better time to start. Although this may involve uncomfortable realities, the peace of mind it brings for both you and your loved ones is a gift. Don’t let hesitation or fear prevent you from taking this key step. When you’re ready, our Vantage team is here to help guide those discussions on beneficiary designations, charitable giving, health directives, financial power attorney, gifting, probate avoidance, and tax strategies to help you create a cohesive and comprehensive estate plan. You will take comfort knowing you have given your family a lasting gift of security, clarity, and peace.
Next week’s blog: “The Family Meeting: You Are Not Alone,” will dive into how families can come together, communicate openly, and support each other through the planning process.